09.23.08
Posted in um yeah at 3:25 pm by Heebus
Have you ever seen a girl with a pretty face and thought to yourself, “man, that girl would look great if she lost 30 lbs.” Or how about you go on a blind date with a girl who is “slightly” overweight but has an awesome personality. What are you supposed to do? You can’t let your friends see you with a fatty. What if you had the crazy notion of actually dating a fatty with the intention of “transforming” her in to the girl of your dreams?
Women try to do this to men all the time. They see a guy and say, “I’m going to turn him into the perfect boyfriend!” Well we all know this never works. You simply cannot change people. No guy wants to be turned into the pussy that his girlfriend wants him to be and no girl wants to sit there belching, farting and watching sports with the guys. The more compromises you have to make in a relationship, the less likely the person is right for you.
So what can you do?
There is no right way to tell a girl she needs to lose weight. It’s a futile endeavor. They will bait you and deny it if it ever even comes up. Twice in my life I went out with girls who were pretty cool and fun to hang out with. But at the end of the night I didn’t want things to proceed any further because I thought they were too big for my liking. In both cases, they later asked me why I didn’t like them.
There are blunt ways to do it:
me: so wait, ellie was giving you shit about erica?
Joshua: yeah, she was like why didn’t you talk to erica
what is wrong with her
she kept asking me
me: are girls that dumb that they dont realize we dont like fatties?
Joshua: and i was like she is very nice but i didn’t look at her like that
me: like i went on a date with this girl
and i wasnt attracted to her
because she was a little bigger
Joshua: well she wanted me to say exactly what you said and i wasn’t going to
i am not going to be an asshole about it
me: and so she kept bugging me about why i didnt want to keep seeing her
and told me to be honest
Joshua: and you were and she hates you now
me: and i told her, you have an awesome personality, i like hanging with you, i would just like you better if you were a little thinner
and she called me a fag
Joshua: wow
you actually said it to her
me: hells yeah
i have no shame
maybe she will lose weight now and make someone else happy
she gave the best bj i ever got
i bet erica gives a mean bj
Joshua: big girls like to gobble up the dick
they are usually used to have something in there mouth
There are the nicest possible ways to do it:
(10:29:21 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: so who is this new jdate girl
(10:29:58 PM) lernerbot: oh, just some girl
(10:30:04 PM) lernerbot: who sent me her pic and shes hot
(10:30:07 PM) lernerbot: and id hit it
(10:30:11 PM) lernerbot: if she wants to 
(10:30:32 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: hahahaha
(10:30:38 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: i think ud hit alot
(10:31:02 PM) lernerbot: i would
(10:31:04 PM) lernerbot: i wont lie
(10:31:08 PM) lernerbot: i find beauty in everything
(10:31:12 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: hahaha
(10:31:20 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: thats good
(10:33:08 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: i guess im a little more picky
(10:33:55 PM) lernerbot: well im not picky in looks per se
(10:33:58 PM) lernerbot: just personality
(10:34:04 PM) lernerbot: i like women of all shapes sizes and colors
(10:34:07 PM) lernerbot: but iw ont date a fat chick
(10:34:17 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: so thats not all shapes
(10:34:31 PM) lernerbot: i may hook up with one
(10:34:34 PM) lernerbot: but wont date one
(10:34:38 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: hahahaha
(10:34:40 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: what is fat
(10:34:43 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: like how big
(10:35:14 PM) lernerbot: depends on the height of a person
(10:35:19 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: okay
(10:35:20 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: like 5′4
(10:35:34 PM) lernerbot: haha how tall are you?
(10:35:37 PM) lernerbot: and are you baiting me
(10:35:43 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: hmm im like 5′4
(10:37:19 PM) lernerbot: 120
(10:40:32 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: oooo thats little
(10:42:12 PM) lernerbot: normal
(10:42:36 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: im not 120
(10:42:38 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: so im fat?
(10:43:14 PM) lernerbot: how much do you weigh?
(10:43:21 PM) lernerbot: when i last saw you, you were too big for my taste
(10:43:39 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: ohhh wow
(10:47:32 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: u think ur a good looking guy?
(10:47:44 PM) lernerbot: i have to think i am
(10:47:50 PM) lernerbot: or else im not confident right?
(10:48:00 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: but theres a difference between truth
(10:48:04 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: and feeling confident
(10:48:09 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: guys can be ugly but confident
(10:48:29 PM) lernerbot: well sometimes i think i look good, sometimes i think i look bad
(10:49:07 PM) lernerbot: but
(10:49:09 PM) lernerbot: i know im awesome
(10:49:15 PM) lernerbot: i know im not david beckham
(10:49:19 PM) lernerbot: but i could be a lot worse
(10:49:27 PM) lernerbot: i wasnt in good shape when i met you
(10:49:31 PM) lernerbot: im in better shape now
(10:49:35 PM) lernerbot: still have a ways to go
(10:49:41 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: yep
(10:49:47 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: well u can work a little more on being nice
(10:49:53 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: cuz i have been nothing but nice to you
(10:50:00 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: and i found ur comment super offensive
(10:50:04 PM) lernerbot: which one?
(10:50:05 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: ive never been told that before
(10:50:09 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: that im too fat
(10:50:20 PM) lernerbot: no offense
(10:50:22 PM) lernerbot: but
(10:50:32 PM) lernerbot: no girl in the history of the world is going to take that nicely
(10:50:39 PM) lernerbot: so i said it in the best way possible
(10:50:47 PM) lernerbot: but you asked
(10:50:54 PM) lernerbot: so you brought this upon yourself
(10:51:34 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: yep
(10:51:56 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: ive dated guys that are in great shape
(10:51:59 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: and good looking
(10:52:04 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: and they’ve never told me that
(10:52:14 PM) lernerbot: you asked
(10:52:14 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: and i actually hooked up with them
(10:52:32 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: i have a big chest…so of course i will not be a size 0
(10:52:39 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: but im not like a big size
(10:52:44 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: so it doesnt make sense to me
(10:53:12 PM) lernerbot: lets not get into a detailed argument
(10:53:22 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: it was super mean
(10:53:31 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: and i dont think i was ever mean to u
(10:54:01 PM) lernerbot: /facepalm
(10:54:24 PM) Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl: whatever
This is how not to react when you find out you are on the heeblog:
12:19 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl hey
12:20 heebus hi
12:20 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i would appreciate it if you took my screen name off ur blog
12:20 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl as your example of a “fat girl”
12:21 heebus im sorry, i dont think i can oblige
12:22 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl that’s my personal conversation
12:22 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl u honestly have no respect for me?
12:22 heebus you think walking is overrated, how can i respect that
12:22 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i got injured working out
12:23 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl yes, i work out
12:23 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i just think after everything, u could have enough respect for me
12:23 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl then to put me on ur blog
12:23 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i thought we talked enough, that you could understand that
12:24 heebus the more we talk, the more ridiculous you seem, you are perfect for the blog
12:24 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl what?
12:24 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i havent talked to u in months and then someone i know sends me that link
12:24 heebus oh i have another fan?
12:24 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl are u looking for a reaction?
12:25 heebus yeah, people’s laughter, its the stuff dreams are made of
12:26 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl well, i guess i can talk to u reasonably
12:26 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl to remove my name
12:27 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl so i will just go another route
12:27 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl *cant
12:27 heebus your name? did you have a name change to Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl?
12:27 heebus what kind of route do you think you can take?
12:27 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i can send this link to my lawyers
12:27 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl its MY screen name up there
12:27 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl its my name
12:28 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl ill see what they say
12:28 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl slander and defamation of character
12:29 heebus then i will countersue you for causing global climate change with that big fat ass
12:29 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl lee…stop
12:29 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl honestly
12:29 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl im not going to argue this
12:29 heebus no apparently you want your lawyers to
12:29 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl yeah, i do
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i asked u nicely
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl to remove my name and u said no
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl you met me right after i had a massive life changing surgery
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl and i wasnt able to do things
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl im in perfect health and condition now
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl and for you to post my screen name up there
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl and call me FAT
12:30 heebus yet your mom still does your laundry
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl there are plenty of ppl out there who are overweight and dont take care of themselves
12:30 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl but no right to say i need to lose 30 pounds
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl who cares what my mom does
12:31 heebus im pretty sure i didnt capitalize the whole word, but it might add a nice touch
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl girls only use u for money
12:31 heebus thats funny, i spend nothing on girls
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl yeah, but thats the only reason any girl would settle
12:31 heebus the last girl i had sex with spent money on me
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl and u know that…thats why u hide the fact u make money
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl very cool
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl honestly, im happy with whatever u end up w.
12:31 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl but i would appreciate u take me down
12:32 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i dont deserve that
12:32 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl i liked u as a person
12:32 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl and i cant believe u thought of me so little
12:32 heebus honey, nothing i think about you is little
12:32 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl ok
12:33 heebus you have no sense of humor
12:34 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl its funny?
12:34 heebus im laughing my ass off
12:39 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl are you taking it down?
12:39 heebus not exactly
12:40 Overly Sensitive Heavy Girl okay, then i choose to go the other route
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08.22.08
Posted in um yeah at 12:02 am by Heebus
1. Automatic turrets to shoot people who speed through residential neighborhoods
2. A requirement for licenses for people to have children
3. Beer vending machines at bars so you dont have to wait in line
Permalink
06.09.08
Posted in um yeah at 11:20 pm by Heebus
DrToBe2008: so you aren’t goign to shower me with fancy gifts?
Jewberg: nope, im an original feminist
Jewberg: you get equal rights in everything
Jewberg: including paying your own way
DrToBe2008: oh i don’t know about that!
DrToBe2008: are you the dutch type of person?
DrToBe2008: even on a date???
Jewberg: in a relationship yes
DrToBe2008: what????????
Jewberg: on the first couple of dates i dont mind paying
DrToBe2008: you expect your g/f to pay her way
DrToBe2008: ?
Jewberg: im not here ot be used for my money
DrToBe2008: now i know why you haven’t had good experiences with
persians lol
DrToBe2008: it’s a cultural thing..not always about using someone for
money
Jewberg: i daed one for 3 years but she was as white as they come
DrToBe2008: it’s a respect issue
Jewberg: respect?
DrToBe2008: yeah sure
Jewberg: this is the 21st century honey
DrToBe2008: lol
Jewberg: when a girl expects showering of gifts shes just making
herself out to be a hooker
DrToBe2008: oh oh i’m not about to get into a debate with you
Jewberg: ok next topic
DrToBe2008: hooker?
DrToBe2008: whoa
DrToBe2008: relax buddy
Jewberg: heh
Jewberg: sorry i meant prostitute
Jewberg:
DrToBe2008: ahhhh
Permalink
05.07.08
Posted in um yeah at 2:51 pm by Heebus
Men are from Mars (because it’s in space and space rocks) and women are from …
(2:39:22 PM) lilstephie06: do u like theatre?
(2:42:24 PM) lernerbot: cant say ive really ever seen any plays
(2:42:39 PM) lilstephie06: u should
(2:42:41 PM) lilstephie06: they are good
(2:42:57 PM) lernerbot: when they have boobs and over the top violence i will consider it 
(2:43:25 PM) lilstephie06: no!
(2:43:43 PM) lilstephie06: theatre is great
(2:43:47 PM) lilstephie06: really
(2:44:59 PM) lernerbot: so are boobs and over the top violence
(2:45:15 PM) lilstephie06: um ok
(2:45:22 PM) lilstephie06: i like a good story
(2:45:42 PM) lilstephie06: i like to go shooting, but violence and i aren’t the best of friend
(2:45:43 PM) lilstephie06: s
(2:47:18 PM) lernerbot: i love violence
(2:47:20 PM) lernerbot: movie violence
(2:47:27 PM) lernerbot: like shit blowing up
(2:47:30 PM) lernerbot: and ninjas
(2:47:35 PM) lernerbot: and ninjas blowing shit up
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05.01.08
Posted in um yeah at 1:23 am by Heebus
Jewberg: are you persian?
roxy656C: lol
roxy656C: ya, why do you ask
Jewberg: beverly hills, still lives with her parents
Jewberg: i see a trend
Jewberg: bmw or mercedes?
roxy656C: oh fuck yo
roxy656C: lol
roxy656C: and its bmw if you must
Jewberg: thats what you have now?
roxy656C: ya
Jewberg: ok so you went to smc?
roxy656C: your killng me
Jewberg: and last question
Jewberg: this is a tough one
roxy656C: what do you drive a prius?
Jewberg: do you still claim to be a virgin?
roxy656C: so are you a really an asshole or is this like a jdate tough guy
act your trying to put u[
roxy656C: on*
Jewberg: well yes im an asshole, but really i swear every time i ask
these questions to a persian girl , the answer is always the same
roxy656C: sorry im not a persian girl rep
Jewberg: im hoping one day i will find someone who says no
Jewberg: oh you arent?
Jewberg: but you answered the questions like you were the
ambassador
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04.24.08
Posted in um yeah at 11:42 pm by Heebus
This one is for Regina, you know this girl…
We join this stupid virgin persian conversation already in progress.
Jewberg: and they didnt make you go to dentistry school or pharmacy
school?
Jewberg: what kind of persian parents do you have?
mish22E226: haha
mish22E226: very chill parents
mish22E226: that’s why I can still live at home
Jewberg: i dont know, i generally stay away from these kinds of
situations
mish22E226: what does that mean?
Jewberg: persian girls who live with their parents
mish22E226: haha
mish22E226: defnitely not your typical one…
Jewberg: oh whats that mean?
mish22E226: but I know what you mean
mish22E226: well… how many persian girls do you know that went to
San Diego State for 4 years
mish22E226: for starteres
Jewberg: 0
mish22E226: and got a teaching gig right out of high school
Jewberg: its never happened before
Jewberg: in the history of mankind
mish22E226: haha
mish22E226: you are a comedian
Jewberg: because persian girls claim to be virgins
Jewberg: virgins dont go to sdsu
Jewberg: well
Jewberg: they go
mish22E226: hmmmm
Jewberg: but they dont emerge virgins
mish22E226: I’m sure a lot say… define virging
mish22E226: virgin
Jewberg: you know, having sex…
mish22E226: have you dated a persian girl?
Jewberg: yes, you dont just come up with these stereotypes from
watching TV
mish22E226: right
mish22E226: well… people who know me know I’m not the typical
“persian girl”… but I’m not going to go against my peeps either
Jewberg: how are you atypical?
*** mish22E226’s IM window is closed
Permalink
04.16.08
Posted in um yeah at 10:52 pm by Heebus
Jewberg: oh yeah hot body
HotHotGoddess: thanks
Jewberg: so what do you model for? anorexia monthly?
HotHotGoddess: oh, SNAP. real clever.
HotHotGoddess: Don’t be jealous, fat ass.
HotHotGoddess: that I’d never give you the time of day in real life.
Jewberg: they make watches that small?
HotHotGoddess: You look 40, btw. How’s that working out for you?
Jewberg: oh you know it, i get all the 18 year old girls looking for a sugar
daddy
HotHotGoddess: classy
Jewberg: i love the exposed collarbone look, its getting me really hot
and bothered
HotHotGoddess: I’ve been doing a’rite for myself so far.
HotHotGoddess: Don’t hate, just because you’re forced onto the fat girls
because the good ones won’t look your way
Jewberg: hmm you could be right, but i think you should swallow more
HotHotGoddess: such a charmer.
HotHotGoddess: I’m sure all the ladies love it.
HotHotGoddess: too bad I don’t speak asshole.
Jewberg: you obviously dont eat asshole either …. or anything for that
matter
HotHotGoddess: you’re so charming, jewberg. and clever, for that matter.
but I expected nothing less, with a name like that.
HotHotGoddess: haha, awesomesauce! loser
HotHotGoddess: How’s that rosacia going for you?
Jewberg: hmm normally im the one throwing out the insults to make
myself feel better but apparently you are the queen of it
Jewberg: i guess if i looked like you did i would need all the help i can
get
Jewberg: i wonder how guys look at you
Jewberg: but then i think if you turn sideways they cant see you
Jewberg: do you rattle when you walk?
HotHotGoddess: Hey, 2nd grade called, and it wants its insults back.
Jewberg: hey 2nd grade called, it wants its body back
HotHotGoddess: Plus, I’m unclear on what your problem is. Don’t take all
the jdate rejection out on me, just because all us hot girls find you
repulsive.
Jewberg: hot girls looooove the kks, but its more meat than youve ever
had
HotHotGoddess: you know why you have a personality? because you
HAD to. got nothing else going for you.
HotHotGoddess: I can be shitty because I look this good.
HotHotGoddess: so eat it.
Jewberg: the irony is astounding
Jewberg: so really what do you model for? pre teen clothes?
HotHotGoddess: I was gonna put some modeling pics up, but I didn’t
want to be too intimidating.
HotHotGoddess: Maybe that wasn’t the best idea.
HotHotGoddess: you would know better than to talk to me if you saw
them.
Jewberg: why because i would be afraid of soliciting kiddie porn on the
internet?
HotHotGoddess: maybe it’s not the best idea to have your first picture
accentuate your quadruple chin.
HotHotGoddess: just some constructive criticism for you.
HotHotGoddess: also, try not being a jerk.
HotHotGoddess: that works better too.
HotHotGoddess: unless you’re playing hard to get
HotHotGoddess: in which case
HotHotGoddess: barking up the wrong tree…
Jewberg: tree? i thought you were a pine needle at best
HotHotGoddess: men love me. especially rich ones.
HotHotGoddess: so either way
HotHotGoddess: you couldn’t afford me.
HotHotGoddess: even if you were bill gates.
HotHotGoddess: fag
Jewberg: oh and hey, the concentration camp look ended about 60
years ago
Jewberg: oh yeah, let me spend all my money on some bitch that i
would crush with my down comfoter
HotHotGoddess: at least your penis would fit comfortably inside my 1
inch vaginal canal
Jewberg: why fuck you there, i could get it inbetween your ribcage
HotHotGoddess: once I had a yeast infection, and my ex called me a
quarter pounder with cheese
HotHotGoddess: so honestly, jewberg…
HotHotGoddess: you’re just turning me on
Jewberg: haha i love that
Permalink
04.01.08
Posted in um yeah, Awesomesauce at 4:01 pm by Heebus
So I figured maybe there should be some positive things on this website. You know when someone actually does something right for once.
In this epic struggle of the sexes, I think it would behoove mankind if women decided to stop being so crazy and listen for a second. I mean, wouldn’t the world be a better place if girls knew how easy it was to win over men? Oh wait they already do…
Shit, where was I going with this…
Ladies and gentlemen, I now will give you an examples of things you can say to a guy to win him over:
“Yea but I’d rather watch fighting robots.”
See how simple that was ladies? Simple things like that can bring peace on earth. But who fucking cares right? Barney’s is having a sale!
/facepalm
Permalink
03.27.08
Posted in um yeah at 2:45 pm by Heebus
The more you have to compromise with a person, the more likely they are not the right person for you.
Men need to make women feel like women and conversely women need to make men feel like men. I think men are simpler. Steak and a BJ and we are good to go.
If your idea of compromising is giving into oral sex, then leave this page immediately and never come back. No guy in his right mind would want to date or even marry someone who doesn’t give BJs.
What I mean to say is could you imagine your whole life without your most favorite thing in the world? I didn’t think so.
Permalink
03.24.08
Posted in um yeah at 3:40 pm by Heebus
Ladies, let me try and give you some advice about making a profile for online dating sites.
1. Use proper grammar and punctuation. I know this is really hard but your Shift button is not hard to press. Also is too much to ask to hit the period button?
2. If you are going to make a list of “things I like in a guy” don’t include things we really hate to do like being forced to tell you that you are pretty. I mean, if you are pretty we are going to tell you. If you aren’t would you rather us lie to your face like that?
3. Why would you put “will never cheat on me.” Are you that horrid that your last BF had to cheat on you? Do you think its a good idea to advertise something like this?
im Briana im 20 i love to hang out with my friend and family i attend fidm in LA i love to travel im a very independent and happy person and alwasys smiling i love the night life i hate dramaThings I look for in a guy:he can make me laugh, honest, romantic,is really nice, tells me im beautiful, will never cheat on me, someone im never bored around, doesnt pressure me,We have to have chemistry, doesnt call me mean names,we can talk for hours, introduces me as his girlfriend in front of his friends,loves to cuddle, loves me for me, acts himself, and will never break my heart, will love me for me,gives me butterflies everytime I see him, and makes me feel so happy that i just cant resist him. .. I NEED A GUY WHOS NOT ALWAYS ON MY CASE ABOUT WORK AND MY JOB I LOVE WHAT I DO I KNOW IT BUGS GUYS BUT GET OVER IT OK
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